Intercourse & Relationships

For those who’ve learn my ebook BODY NEUTRAL or been following my work for some time, you realize that physique picture points are by no means nearly the best way you look.

Physique picture misery, which is to say the struggling attributable to physique negativity, nervousness, or disgrace, is at all times about one thing deeper, and it’s at all times making an attempt to assist or defend you ultimately. For instance:

• Eager to look a sure method is perhaps functioning as a kind of unconscious technique to get sure wants met—like for connection, belonging, genuine self-expression, security, or safety— or that can assist you keep away from one thing scary or uncomfortable, like rejection, humiliation, or cruelty. 

• Obsessing over your weight loss program, weight, or look is perhaps a method of distracting your self from dealing with stuff you don’t wish to face, and the compulsive behaviors related to these preoccupations would possibly provide help to numb or push down uncomfortable emotions. 

• Blaming your physique for individuals’s merciless conduct, or different dangerous issues which have occurred to you, would possibly offer you a way of energy or management (in spite of everything, if it was your fault these issues occurred, then you can forestall them from occurring once more!), or provide help to make sense of your experiences.

My podcast a spot the place I speak about all of the actual shit contributing to physique nervousness, preoccupation, dysmorphia, disgrace, and disgust… which is why regardless of having many episodes tackling some extra “anticipated” matters (like intuitive consuming, plus dimension style, weight stigma, and physique acceptance) I’ve additionally had visitors on to discover matters as seemingly far-flung as self-abandonment, gender euphoria, and rising up with narcissist dad and mom!

Two matters specifically—which could not strike people as inherently associated to physique picture, however which come up on a regular basis for my teaching purchasers— are intercourse and romantic relationships. 

Sexuality is an amazingly broad subject that may have a sneakily massive affect on an individual’s relationship with their physique for lots of various causes. It is going to undoubtedly have an effect on somebody’s relationship with their physique, for instance, if an individual feels disgrace about some side of their erotic needs, they realized to view themselves as a sexual object whose attractiveness determines their price or safety, or they’re affected by a perceived sexual dysfunction. And naturally, our sex-negative tradition has stored most of us from getting the shame-free, correct, and liberating training round intercourse and pleasure that may assist us in cultivating the erotic lives we want for!

The identical is true for courting, romance, and partnership!

Since most of us had been by no means taught the important expertise required for cultivating relationships which can be wealthy in vulnerability, authenticity, belief, safe attachment, and emotional intimacy, individuals usually find yourself blaming their our bodies or look for the absence of no matter it’s they need for extra of, or for the presence of no matter it’s they dislike. It’s additionally quite common for individuals to develop unhealthy behaviors round (or preoccupations with) meals, train, and their our bodies as a method of dealing with, numbing, or avoiding features of their partnership or residence life that really feel painful, disturbing, or unsatisfying!

As a result of these two matters are inextricably linked with physique picture for thus many people, I made a decision final 12 months that I wished to convey extra intercourse and relationship consultants onto my podcast to discover all the varied methods they will work together. So for those who assume your physique picture is perhaps rooted in disgrace, nervousness, confusion, or unmet wants within the area of intercourse/relationships, I’ve received just a few episodes to share with you!

Final week I had intercourse and pleasure educator Luna Matatas on to speak about:

• Enjoying with kink and BDSM, as a way to private progress and self-affirmation.

• Getting interested by your erotic needs and fantasies, for higher intercourse and erotic liberation.

• Why (and the way!) to method intercourse and pleasure as a collection of learnable expertise, fairly than some form of innate expertise or data.

Does this sound attention-grabbing to you? 

And for these of you extra fascinated about courting and relationships, I’m dropping a model new episode proper now, on relationship nervousness!

My visitor Sarah Yudkin is a relationship nervousness coach, and in immediately’s episode you’ll hear:

• How (and why) relationship nervousness can generally manifest as a preoccupation with whether or not or not you and your associate ought to break up (usually in search of proof that you simply’re settling or not appropriate, or stressing about whether or not they’re actually “the one”) and different instances manifest as nervousness about whether or not or not your associate loves you, is drawn to you, or is secretly eager about leaving you.

• What actually causes relationship nervousness (trace: like physique picture, it’s at all times about one thing deeper!), and learn how to deal with and heal it.

I hope you discover these sources useful, and I’m at all times open to options and suggestions, so be happy to hit reply and let me know when you have a particular subject or visitor you need me to consider! 

Additionally, for those who love my podcast, it will imply a lot to me for those who may give it a ranking and assessment so extra individuals can discover it!

PS: For those who need assistance figuring out what your physique picture points are actually about—and learn how to overcome them— you’ll be able to apply for non-public teaching with me right here!