94 Years of Knowledge | Nerd Health

Final week, I flew to Massachusetts to go to my 94-year grandmother within the hospital.

Let me let you know about this superb girl.

Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.

(No marvel I like the music of ​Alan Doyle​ (and ​Nice Massive Sea​), it’s in my DNA!)

Gramma was a preschool instructor for 22 years and has been an energetic member in her neighborhood for her total life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch a number of quilting initiatives over time. She volunteered on the Council on Getting older. She typically drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the outdated individuals” (as she referred to as it), which she did effectively into her 80s!

Throughout previous visits to Massachusetts, I’d swing by Gramma’s for a day, habitually checking my cellphone, typically distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my mind. I feel having identified her my total life, I simply had this thought “Gramma has all the time been right here, and Gramma will all the time be right here.”

Luckily, I stumbled upon an historical Japanese idea that helped me acknowledge and course right this sample. It allowed all of my current visits with Gramma to be decidedly totally different.

Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会

There’s an idea relationship again to Japanese tea ceremonies within the 1600s referred to as ichi-go ichi-e:

This interprets to: “one time, one assembly.”

It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace every unrepeatable second in time. Regardless of how typically we do one thing or see any person, it’s the solely time that it’s going to actually occur this fashion, in this second.

This idea can remind us to be extra current.

• As an alternative of checking our telephones, we are able to deal with the individual or job in entrance of us.
• As an alternative of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we will be right here now.
• As an alternative of going by way of the motions, we is usually a bit extra deliberate with our habits.

I’ve mirrored lots on Japanese Zen philosophy over the previous few years (​see my essay about Wabi-Sabi​), and this idea of ichi-go ichi-e has caught with me too.

Which brings me to my journeys to go to Gramma this summer season.

I finished worrying in regards to the future or ruminating on the previous, put my cellphone down, and simply sat along with her.

I handled every go to as if it was the solely time that I’d get to have that interplay.

I requested her questions on her childhood. I realized that she spent just a few summers residing in a tent with no operating water or electrical energy, whereas her father constructed their residence along with his personal two arms. And the way a lot she cherished it.

She informed me about her teenage years, together with the time she snuck out of the home and received caught, and needed to sit on the foot of her dad and mom mattress till the solar got here up.

I realized extra about my grandfather. She even shared images of her marriage ceremony that I had by no means seen earlier than:

She additionally discovered some images of me and her from approach again within the day!

This one was my favourite:

I returned to Nashville final month, not sure when (or if) I’d get to see her once more.

It nonetheless felt totally different. I had linked with Gramma extra deeply in just a few visits than I in all probability had previously 10 years mixed.

Which brings me to this previous week on the hospital.

Gramma’s Neighborhood

Final week, my brother and I drove as much as go to Gramma within the hospital every day.

And every day, a revolving door of friends would present as much as verify on her:

Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mom (who simply had surgical procedure!). Her grandkids. The son of her finest pal. Her pal Anne. Buddies from the Council of Getting older. Fellow quilters. Individuals from her church.

At one level, there have been 10 of us visiting on the similar time, and it became an absolute celebration.

I used to be in awe of this girl and what number of lives she has impacted.

If there’s a transparent signal of a life effectively lived, it’s being surrounded by individuals who love you. Gramma has been selfless for a lot of her life, and I used to be amazed and impressed at how many individuals dropped all the pieces to return and spend time along with her, swapping tales and maintaining her firm.

Regardless of the circumstances, she nonetheless has an excellent humorousness too:

The primary time she opened her eyes and noticed me, she smiled and stated, “I remembered one other story!” She then informed me in regards to the time she “borrowed” a automobile, regardless that she didn’t have a license but, to drive by way of the streets of Boston to trace down her boyfriend.

Whereas speaking on the cellphone along with her 94 yr outdated brother in regulation, she requested “how are ya, you outdated geezer?”

When the physician requested “are you feeling higher in the present day?” she replied “higher than WHAT!”

Spending time with Gramma and all the individuals from totally different elements of her life felt like the very best use of my time. I’m in love with the neighborhood she has round her, and I’m consistently moved to tears by the love that so many individuals have for her.

This level was pushed additional residence by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…

Reside Intentionally

The hospital during which my Gramma is staying is true subsequent to Walden Pond, the very pond made well-known by Henry David Thoreau in his ebook ​Walden​.

At some point, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet stroll round its perimeter, watching the sunshine of the setting solar dancing by way of the bushes.

(The Japanese have a phrase for this too, it’s referred to as “komorebi”.)

I then learn the signal with Thoreau’s most well-known reflection:

“I went to the woods as a result of I wanted to stay intentionally, to entrance solely the important information of life, and see if I couldn’t study what it needed to train, and never, once I got here to die, uncover that I had not lived.”

Thoreau retreated to solitude to find what was most necessary to him.

Gramma went the opposite path, prioritizing what’s most necessary to her: household, buddies, and neighborhood.

Two totally different situations, the identical finish outcome:

Selecting to stay intentionally.

I don’t have plans on shifting into the woods and residing merely, however I do assume I’ve accomplished my finest to stay extra intentionally these previous few years.

Particularly, re-prioritizing what’s most necessary to me too: buddies, household, and neighborhood.

All We have now to Resolve…

Just a few years in the past, Gramma offered my brother, sister, and I with three of her favourite handmade quilts.

“I used to be going to have these given to you grandkids after I handed away, however I wish to give them to you now in order that we are able to take pleasure in this second collectively.”

She took the time to clarify the that means behind every quilt and why they had been chosen for every of us. I’m so grateful she did this, fairly than ready to listen to about these lovely quilts after she handed.

After I visited Gramma this summer season, I found that she had printed my essay ​about my grandfather, her husband, who had handed away​. I hoped I made Grampy proud, however I noticed I by no means received to inform him simply how a lot I realized from him earlier than he died.

For that motive, I’m penning this essay now to ensure she is aware of simply how a lot she taught me. I’m so pleased with my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the chance to study from her for 40 years (and counting!).

(I received a textual content from my father yesterday letting me know that he learn this draft to her within the hospital and he or she cherished it. Mission achieved!)

I actually hope Gramma will get higher and is ready to get again residence. In spite of everything, she informed her pal Laurie “I’m not accomplished but!”

However I additionally know that this isn’t as much as us to resolve.

As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:

“All we’ve got to resolve is what to do with the time that’s given us.”

I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can encourage you to stay extra intentionally:

• In case you’re keen to place your cellphone down and be current with the individuals in entrance of you, life can really feel a lot extra wealthy.
• In case you’re keen to prioritize what’s really necessary as an alternative of the stuff that tries to steal your consideration, you’ll by no means go mistaken with the alternatives you make.
• If yow will discover a strategy to deal with the necessary individuals in your life, they’ll nonetheless be part of it once you’re 94.

And eventually bear in mind, it doesn’t matter what you do in the present day, that is the one time this second will occur.

Act accordingly.

-Steve

PS: In order for you a thought-provoking movie about being current and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I extremely advocate Wim Wenders’s ​Good Days​.